I have found a couple winners for my blog, though none for my heart. I feel that with the insane amount of crazies out there I may have a hard time keeping up even if I chronicle once a day. This is the highlight of my bitter day! So after mentioning mass e-mailings in a post. I found yet another e-mail already mentioned here in my inbox this morning (yet again!).
"hi,
wow you are so beautiful.
i would love to know you better.
do you have skype?"
I thought of replying with "No, please stop messaging me" at various intervals of the month. But then I realized it wasn't worth my time and I just blocked him. At least he fixed his "your" and "so so".
Then I found the best message I have found to date! This message, the audacity of it, make me laugh out loud and balk at it's sheer ingenious!
"Hi
I found your profile while perusing through the profiles of hot, unobtainable
Japanese girls.
I like you, just thought I'd let you know."
Because nothing says pick-up line like saying you were my second choice.
His picture was of a long haired man with a beer in hand guitar propped up behind him. His gut protruding from his relaxed sitting position on the deck, sunglasses hiding his dead, desperate eyes. I was totally turned on (read: taken aback by the implications that I, myself, was not hot and unobtainable). I would have replied, but he apparently got stung by someone else or snagged up by someone else (who knows) and deleted his profile. Truly, it was for the best.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Is that a fat joke? You ARE a fat joke.....
I like to see a message from someone with a big toothy grin. If you are scowling in all your pictures, you're probably not having a very good time. I don't need someone to drag me down. Thug shots? Really bathroom mirror hardcore photos, dude, come on, I'm from Flint, MI. You wouldn't know thug if it curb stomped you in the face for wearing the wrong bandanna color on the wrong side of town. Pictures are meant to impress and give the very important first impression.
I have recently also set an age limit to my profile. You must be under 35 to message me. I have had too many 47 year old men, with 23 year old sons message me. I politely reply in kind "Thank you for your message, so are you trying to hook me up with your son? Is this like a blind date for him? He is, after all, closer in age to me than you are..." They never respond.
Since setting an age limit all seemed well. Until I realized I may need to set a limit asking for a picture to contact me. This was another extreme case, much like "Creeps: the Gathering" I call this guy "Sensitive Steve" though I never knew his name.
I have a pretty lengthy profile, that is because I'm not into playing games and I want to be honest and upright. Give enough info to keep people informed but not enough to bore them. With that said, I should be able to set a minimum word limit to the messages I receive. From Mr. Sensitive I had received.
"Hey Cutie"
Oh man, how ever could I contain my excitement, it's like we're soul mates. His message spoke to the very depths of my heart I thought no one would ever be able to reach! How could he summarize my entire being in to such poetry, such elegance, such grace. I need to message him right away! His, oh so eloquent and vast vernacular, really have brought forth this urge to respond with haste and a burning desire! Let's look at his profile right now!
Before delving into the beauty of this man's profile, I should mention some of the things that were off right from the get go. My sister was in the army and is a government contractor. I was talking to her about the nerve of this guy. She had pointed out he lived on an army base, he didn't post any pictures, he wouldn't disclose if he had children, he was messaging where he would be shipped to next in advance and his longest relationship was over 10 years. All these signs point to one distinct thing: He was married and didn't want to post pictures as evidence of his philandering ways. He was being shipped to Japan soon, and he had stated on his profile he didn't want anyone married. He said if they were widowed it was okay, but no one divorced as that comes with too much baggage and craziness. Because yes, it's much less crazy if you lose your husband in a freak accident as opposed to something coming to it's natural ending and realizing it just didn't work out. Though admittedly in the case of my sister's ex-husband, maybe a freak accident would have been preferable. I digress.
So this guy had a lot of obvious baggage. Being married and all I was already upset then I get down to his profile. I should preface it by saying, again he had no picture, and under body type it said "undisclosed". With this said I read halfway through his profile past all the widows only please and get to this
"I want a woman who is attractive, thin, skinny or even curvy but please no fatties. This is plenty of fish, not plenty of whales"
I had to re-read what I just saw. Then once more read it again. Then look at the fact that he doesn't have a picture nor body type. Then realize he is trying to hit on me with "Hey cutie." Shake my head and read further This was more out of spite than out of curiosity. It was like looking onto a bad car wreck you really don't want to see the mangled body hanging out, but you just can't tear your eyes away. He mentions again no fatties and that he is serious.
I have not always been as thin as I am now. I have Multiple Sclerosis. For sometime back in the states I was using a cane since I couldn't use my right leg below the knee. I sat down in the shower once to shave and simply couldn't move my leg to stand back up. Now that I'm more healthy I do work out, but I understand there are cases that there is simply nothing you can do. My mother had back surgery and I saw how she was bed ridden, she didn't gain a ton of weight and was always beautiful, but I know how someone in such a case could. My sister when trying to get in the army went on a liquid diet and worked her ass off. She almost wasn't accepted. My grandma was in a wheel chair for 14 years and couldn't work out. Health is more important than weight. At my heaviest I was 195 lbs. I carried it well, very well in fact. Most people wouldn't have put me as so heavy. I like to thank my hour glass figure and my height. But not everyone has it so lucky and not everyone who is bigger is lazy. This hit a sore point for me. Like the ugly duckling I once was (who am I kidding, I still looked good at my bigger weight), it was a little too close to home. Sometimes there's nothing that can be done. People who put so much importance on looks will have severe mid-life crisis. I hate to say it people, everyone gets old, everyone gets wrinkled and oh my stars, everyone sags! There's more to a relationship than looks, which may have been lost on this guy considering he was already married. Again, I digress.
So his message was not that enticing, his profile was lacking, his picture was missing and his body type was "undisclosed" (the irony is not lost on me there), there were several clues that pointed to the fact that he was married. How could I possibly respond? Oh, I know!
"I'm sorry, you don't want a fattie, well, I don't want an asshole!"
He never responded, bless his heart....
I have recently also set an age limit to my profile. You must be under 35 to message me. I have had too many 47 year old men, with 23 year old sons message me. I politely reply in kind "Thank you for your message, so are you trying to hook me up with your son? Is this like a blind date for him? He is, after all, closer in age to me than you are..." They never respond.
Since setting an age limit all seemed well. Until I realized I may need to set a limit asking for a picture to contact me. This was another extreme case, much like "Creeps: the Gathering" I call this guy "Sensitive Steve" though I never knew his name.
I have a pretty lengthy profile, that is because I'm not into playing games and I want to be honest and upright. Give enough info to keep people informed but not enough to bore them. With that said, I should be able to set a minimum word limit to the messages I receive. From Mr. Sensitive I had received.
"Hey Cutie"
Oh man, how ever could I contain my excitement, it's like we're soul mates. His message spoke to the very depths of my heart I thought no one would ever be able to reach! How could he summarize my entire being in to such poetry, such elegance, such grace. I need to message him right away! His, oh so eloquent and vast vernacular, really have brought forth this urge to respond with haste and a burning desire! Let's look at his profile right now!
Before delving into the beauty of this man's profile, I should mention some of the things that were off right from the get go. My sister was in the army and is a government contractor. I was talking to her about the nerve of this guy. She had pointed out he lived on an army base, he didn't post any pictures, he wouldn't disclose if he had children, he was messaging where he would be shipped to next in advance and his longest relationship was over 10 years. All these signs point to one distinct thing: He was married and didn't want to post pictures as evidence of his philandering ways. He was being shipped to Japan soon, and he had stated on his profile he didn't want anyone married. He said if they were widowed it was okay, but no one divorced as that comes with too much baggage and craziness. Because yes, it's much less crazy if you lose your husband in a freak accident as opposed to something coming to it's natural ending and realizing it just didn't work out. Though admittedly in the case of my sister's ex-husband, maybe a freak accident would have been preferable. I digress.
So this guy had a lot of obvious baggage. Being married and all I was already upset then I get down to his profile. I should preface it by saying, again he had no picture, and under body type it said "undisclosed". With this said I read halfway through his profile past all the widows only please and get to this
"I want a woman who is attractive, thin, skinny or even curvy but please no fatties. This is plenty of fish, not plenty of whales"
I had to re-read what I just saw. Then once more read it again. Then look at the fact that he doesn't have a picture nor body type. Then realize he is trying to hit on me with "Hey cutie." Shake my head and read further This was more out of spite than out of curiosity. It was like looking onto a bad car wreck you really don't want to see the mangled body hanging out, but you just can't tear your eyes away. He mentions again no fatties and that he is serious.
I have not always been as thin as I am now. I have Multiple Sclerosis. For sometime back in the states I was using a cane since I couldn't use my right leg below the knee. I sat down in the shower once to shave and simply couldn't move my leg to stand back up. Now that I'm more healthy I do work out, but I understand there are cases that there is simply nothing you can do. My mother had back surgery and I saw how she was bed ridden, she didn't gain a ton of weight and was always beautiful, but I know how someone in such a case could. My sister when trying to get in the army went on a liquid diet and worked her ass off. She almost wasn't accepted. My grandma was in a wheel chair for 14 years and couldn't work out. Health is more important than weight. At my heaviest I was 195 lbs. I carried it well, very well in fact. Most people wouldn't have put me as so heavy. I like to thank my hour glass figure and my height. But not everyone has it so lucky and not everyone who is bigger is lazy. This hit a sore point for me. Like the ugly duckling I once was (who am I kidding, I still looked good at my bigger weight), it was a little too close to home. Sometimes there's nothing that can be done. People who put so much importance on looks will have severe mid-life crisis. I hate to say it people, everyone gets old, everyone gets wrinkled and oh my stars, everyone sags! There's more to a relationship than looks, which may have been lost on this guy considering he was already married. Again, I digress.
So his message was not that enticing, his profile was lacking, his picture was missing and his body type was "undisclosed" (the irony is not lost on me there), there were several clues that pointed to the fact that he was married. How could I possibly respond? Oh, I know!
"I'm sorry, you don't want a fattie, well, I don't want an asshole!"
He never responded, bless his heart....
The language of love...
In general I am surprised by the people who have added me to their favorites. Some of them are older than my own father, others are in BFE and I have no idea how they came across my profile, while others are okay. Needless to say, none of them have really struck my interests.
The internet is vast and with the added protection of a computer screen people feel more invincible. What I mean to say is, I don't know whether online dating has helped or hurt me. On one hand I am more readily able to weed out the creepers and bottom dwelling scum suckers, however, that also makes me wonder if not everyone is a freak and there is a reason an attractive, well off, intelligent, funny, charming and humble (Lord, let's not forget humble) woman is still single around my age. I'm using my bitterness to create art for the masses.
It doesn't take much to get a reply from me. But I find that most men really don't have the ability to take a few simple steps.
1.) Show you have read my profile, anything even if it's an obscure reference. Something showing you didn't just hover over my pictures and decide to leave your trough and slew your slop at me.
2.) Don't message vulgarities, a little common courtesy gets you far.
3.) Realize if you messaged me and it was nice, I will read your profile and see if you would be worth my time. Good God, please make it worth the time and effort.
Don't just message me like this:
"Hi there, how are you doing?
So you don't mind the distance as I take it?"
(Actual message sent this week)
What does that even mean? What makes you think I wouldn't mind long distance? What in my profile said I was okay with any area? Your message confuses me, and we're not even out of the honeymoon stage, dearest!
I have had many people message me. Being as busy as I am with my career and school I don't always answer right away. This is how I found out about the mass e-mailings. It is what spawned rule number one. I have many cases of this. One such example this week.
On August 31st someone sent me a lovely message.
"hi,
wow your so so beautiful.
i would love to know you better.
do you have skype?"
On September 15th he sent me the same message again. Desperation is a stinky cologne. Not only did he send me the same message again, he has mass e-mailed it so many times, he forgot he mailed me before! Nor did he fix his punctuation, grammar and capitalization. Also there was nothing of substance within the message itself that made me want to contact him. His profile was also lacking. I hate mass e-mailings.
This is one case of many. The most extreme case was a Japanese man had e-mailed me. He said he saw my city I was in and it wasn't that far from where he was. He sounded intelligent and had lived overseas for some time so maybe our different cultures wouldn't clash as much. Who am I to be picky (Thank the Gods I am, otherwise we wouldn't have this little gem of a blog)? His message was good until I got to the end. His closing was this "Kisses XoXo"
Japanese men come on strong to foreign women. Many will say "I love you!" within the first few minutes of meeting you. Even if they are already married and are serious. Yes, this has happened to me. I dislike their childlike way of flirting and even more so the immaturity that is Japanese dating. If we have a problem lets ignore it until it goes away. Since we can't talk about our feelings, lets play jealousy games to gauge how we both feel. I wrote my graduation thesis on the power dynamics in interpersonal relationships in East Asia. I've been scarred for life.
So his message was already undergoing the third degree with my scrutiny of whether he can look past his culture as well as myself. The kisses just made me hit delete. Not until after calling my mom and telling her and us both getting a good laugh out of it.
Next week he messages me again, same message, followed with kisses and all. I ignored it for the second time.
By the third week, he had e-mailed me in Spanish. WTF?!? Now, it seems an interesting way to message me, as far as logic would deduce anyhow. I understand I haven't mailed you back, messaging me again to see if it didn't go through. Maybe I didn't just ignore your blatant disregard for my personality. Could be messages went astray. However, if you look at my profile, it's all in English. I don't even speak Spanish. Why he messaged me the third time, I don't know. I'm even more confused as to why he chose Spanish, I look more European than Hispanic. I understand white women are a delicacy in the pallet of an Asian man. I understand they come on strong to us, and will not back down. But seriously, guy, take a hint.....
.... por favor.
The internet is vast and with the added protection of a computer screen people feel more invincible. What I mean to say is, I don't know whether online dating has helped or hurt me. On one hand I am more readily able to weed out the creepers and bottom dwelling scum suckers, however, that also makes me wonder if not everyone is a freak and there is a reason an attractive, well off, intelligent, funny, charming and humble (Lord, let's not forget humble) woman is still single around my age. I'm using my bitterness to create art for the masses.
It doesn't take much to get a reply from me. But I find that most men really don't have the ability to take a few simple steps.
1.) Show you have read my profile, anything even if it's an obscure reference. Something showing you didn't just hover over my pictures and decide to leave your trough and slew your slop at me.
2.) Don't message vulgarities, a little common courtesy gets you far.
3.) Realize if you messaged me and it was nice, I will read your profile and see if you would be worth my time. Good God, please make it worth the time and effort.
Don't just message me like this:
"Hi there, how are you doing?
So you don't mind the distance as I take it?"
(Actual message sent this week)
What does that even mean? What makes you think I wouldn't mind long distance? What in my profile said I was okay with any area? Your message confuses me, and we're not even out of the honeymoon stage, dearest!
I have had many people message me. Being as busy as I am with my career and school I don't always answer right away. This is how I found out about the mass e-mailings. It is what spawned rule number one. I have many cases of this. One such example this week.
On August 31st someone sent me a lovely message.
"hi,
wow your so so beautiful.
i would love to know you better.
do you have skype?"
On September 15th he sent me the same message again. Desperation is a stinky cologne. Not only did he send me the same message again, he has mass e-mailed it so many times, he forgot he mailed me before! Nor did he fix his punctuation, grammar and capitalization. Also there was nothing of substance within the message itself that made me want to contact him. His profile was also lacking. I hate mass e-mailings.
This is one case of many. The most extreme case was a Japanese man had e-mailed me. He said he saw my city I was in and it wasn't that far from where he was. He sounded intelligent and had lived overseas for some time so maybe our different cultures wouldn't clash as much. Who am I to be picky (Thank the Gods I am, otherwise we wouldn't have this little gem of a blog)? His message was good until I got to the end. His closing was this "Kisses XoXo"
Japanese men come on strong to foreign women. Many will say "I love you!" within the first few minutes of meeting you. Even if they are already married and are serious. Yes, this has happened to me. I dislike their childlike way of flirting and even more so the immaturity that is Japanese dating. If we have a problem lets ignore it until it goes away. Since we can't talk about our feelings, lets play jealousy games to gauge how we both feel. I wrote my graduation thesis on the power dynamics in interpersonal relationships in East Asia. I've been scarred for life.
So his message was already undergoing the third degree with my scrutiny of whether he can look past his culture as well as myself. The kisses just made me hit delete. Not until after calling my mom and telling her and us both getting a good laugh out of it.
Next week he messages me again, same message, followed with kisses and all. I ignored it for the second time.
By the third week, he had e-mailed me in Spanish. WTF?!? Now, it seems an interesting way to message me, as far as logic would deduce anyhow. I understand I haven't mailed you back, messaging me again to see if it didn't go through. Maybe I didn't just ignore your blatant disregard for my personality. Could be messages went astray. However, if you look at my profile, it's all in English. I don't even speak Spanish. Why he messaged me the third time, I don't know. I'm even more confused as to why he chose Spanish, I look more European than Hispanic. I understand white women are a delicacy in the pallet of an Asian man. I understand they come on strong to us, and will not back down. But seriously, guy, take a hint.....
.... por favor.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tapping your land will not help you tap my ass.....
After meeting up with a Misogynist who was repelled by my sexual past, I decided I had nowhere else to go but up. It was like I was in "Chasing Amy" right down to the probable homoerotic urges on his part. My hope had not faltered. I decided to keep my head up and hope Mr. Right would somehow come into my life. Enter "Creeps: the Gathering".
My profile has a specific tag with all my dorky tendencies. Namely Dungeons and Dragons as well as other role-playing games. In my profile picture I am wearing a shirt that says "Babe with the Power" from the Labyrinth. Much like a rabid dog will salivate to infect his prey with more efficiency I was using the proverbial nerd call of the wild hoping my mating call was still subtle enough to catch someone yet not too strong as to find the basement dwelling super nerd who still lives with his parents and has Cheetos stains on his shirt and matching whitey tighties that have well lived past their expiration date.
This particular specimen was seemingly well rounded. He had a job, his own apartment, he was creative, and had good hygiene. He appealed to a couple of my interests. One he was into art, two he was a Pisces. We messaged back and forth. At first I was a little turned off by his low confidence. He was asking me if I liked his pictures and I said they were nice. He then got really defensive saying he wasn't attractive. There are a few things that turn me off such as this, one is defecation during fornication, another such example is having an icepick shoved under each finger nail while giving fellatio to a orangutan with dubious hygiene. Long story short, this would be the first yellow light.
Next he asked (since I do live in Japan) why he should wait around for me to move home for him. I don't know him, I don't know if he will live up to any expectations I have. There's no reason for him to "wait" for me. I told him so.
After talking for a while about art and moving past the whole sense of self loathing he projected, we talked nerd. I love when men talk nerdy to me, however, it takes a certain style and sense of humor about it. After all it's hard to stay smug and sexy when talking about your latest character or gear. Needless to say when done right, you totally roll a nat. 20 on your charm spell. My will save fails and I am entranced. However he decided to use the ever so smooth line of "So wanna play magic: the gathering and make out?" I laughed and said "Wow, every nerd girl's dream." though I suppose my sarcasm was lost on him.
Every time we talked, he would ask me what I'm wearing. This gets annoying, I don't like to be objectified and if all you are looking for is a hot piece of ass move on. I'm more than a pretty face and am looking for intelligent conversation and wit, not asking me what I'm wearing every time we talk. "Hi, so what you wearing?" grates on my nerves. This is exactly what he did. I never initiated conversation. I grew bored of him and weary of his lame come ons.
As previously stated I live in Japan. Ever since the big earthquake there have been aftershocks and typhoons aplenty. In particular there was an aftershock that felt as big as the earthquake that seemed to have spawned impending doom for Japan. It happened around midnight and woke me up from a dead sleep. Freaking out, shaky handed I decided to get online to see if my parents were around so I can calm down and get some sleep. He messages me. The conversation goes as follows.
Him: Hey, what's up?
Me: We just had a big earthquake, I'm a little dare I say, shaken up. Actually, I'm freaking out.
Him: Wow, wtf Japan.
Me: I know, right?
Him: So...... what'cha wearin?
....... Seriously, guy? Seriously? Nothing says I'm worried about your well being after a major earthquake than the status of your apparel.
I replied with "Debris" and blocked him.
Thank you for reading, this has been film from the bottom, posts from the cesspool. Join in next time for more tales of disgust and debauchery.
My profile has a specific tag with all my dorky tendencies. Namely Dungeons and Dragons as well as other role-playing games. In my profile picture I am wearing a shirt that says "Babe with the Power" from the Labyrinth. Much like a rabid dog will salivate to infect his prey with more efficiency I was using the proverbial nerd call of the wild hoping my mating call was still subtle enough to catch someone yet not too strong as to find the basement dwelling super nerd who still lives with his parents and has Cheetos stains on his shirt and matching whitey tighties that have well lived past their expiration date.
This particular specimen was seemingly well rounded. He had a job, his own apartment, he was creative, and had good hygiene. He appealed to a couple of my interests. One he was into art, two he was a Pisces. We messaged back and forth. At first I was a little turned off by his low confidence. He was asking me if I liked his pictures and I said they were nice. He then got really defensive saying he wasn't attractive. There are a few things that turn me off such as this, one is defecation during fornication, another such example is having an icepick shoved under each finger nail while giving fellatio to a orangutan with dubious hygiene. Long story short, this would be the first yellow light.
Next he asked (since I do live in Japan) why he should wait around for me to move home for him. I don't know him, I don't know if he will live up to any expectations I have. There's no reason for him to "wait" for me. I told him so.
After talking for a while about art and moving past the whole sense of self loathing he projected, we talked nerd. I love when men talk nerdy to me, however, it takes a certain style and sense of humor about it. After all it's hard to stay smug and sexy when talking about your latest character or gear. Needless to say when done right, you totally roll a nat. 20 on your charm spell. My will save fails and I am entranced. However he decided to use the ever so smooth line of "So wanna play magic: the gathering and make out?" I laughed and said "Wow, every nerd girl's dream." though I suppose my sarcasm was lost on him.
Every time we talked, he would ask me what I'm wearing. This gets annoying, I don't like to be objectified and if all you are looking for is a hot piece of ass move on. I'm more than a pretty face and am looking for intelligent conversation and wit, not asking me what I'm wearing every time we talk. "Hi, so what you wearing?" grates on my nerves. This is exactly what he did. I never initiated conversation. I grew bored of him and weary of his lame come ons.
As previously stated I live in Japan. Ever since the big earthquake there have been aftershocks and typhoons aplenty. In particular there was an aftershock that felt as big as the earthquake that seemed to have spawned impending doom for Japan. It happened around midnight and woke me up from a dead sleep. Freaking out, shaky handed I decided to get online to see if my parents were around so I can calm down and get some sleep. He messages me. The conversation goes as follows.
Him: Hey, what's up?
Me: We just had a big earthquake, I'm a little dare I say, shaken up. Actually, I'm freaking out.
Him: Wow, wtf Japan.
Me: I know, right?
Him: So...... what'cha wearin?
....... Seriously, guy? Seriously? Nothing says I'm worried about your well being after a major earthquake than the status of your apparel.
I replied with "Debris" and blocked him.
Thank you for reading, this has been film from the bottom, posts from the cesspool. Join in next time for more tales of disgust and debauchery.
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