I like to see a message from someone with a big toothy grin. If you are scowling in all your pictures, you're probably not having a very good time. I don't need someone to drag me down. Thug shots? Really bathroom mirror hardcore photos, dude, come on, I'm from Flint, MI. You wouldn't know thug if it curb stomped you in the face for wearing the wrong bandanna color on the wrong side of town. Pictures are meant to impress and give the very important first impression.
I have recently also set an age limit to my profile. You must be under 35 to message me. I have had too many 47 year old men, with 23 year old sons message me. I politely reply in kind "Thank you for your message, so are you trying to hook me up with your son? Is this like a blind date for him? He is, after all, closer in age to me than you are..." They never respond.
Since setting an age limit all seemed well. Until I realized I may need to set a limit asking for a picture to contact me. This was another extreme case, much like "Creeps: the Gathering" I call this guy "Sensitive Steve" though I never knew his name.
I have a pretty lengthy profile, that is because I'm not into playing games and I want to be honest and upright. Give enough info to keep people informed but not enough to bore them. With that said, I should be able to set a minimum word limit to the messages I receive. From Mr. Sensitive I had received.
"Hey Cutie"
Oh man, how ever could I contain my excitement, it's like we're soul mates. His message spoke to the very depths of my heart I thought no one would ever be able to reach! How could he summarize my entire being in to such poetry, such elegance, such grace. I need to message him right away! His, oh so eloquent and vast vernacular, really have brought forth this urge to respond with haste and a burning desire! Let's look at his profile right now!
Before delving into the beauty of this man's profile, I should mention some of the things that were off right from the get go. My sister was in the army and is a government contractor. I was talking to her about the nerve of this guy. She had pointed out he lived on an army base, he didn't post any pictures, he wouldn't disclose if he had children, he was messaging where he would be shipped to next in advance and his longest relationship was over 10 years. All these signs point to one distinct thing: He was married and didn't want to post pictures as evidence of his philandering ways. He was being shipped to Japan soon, and he had stated on his profile he didn't want anyone married. He said if they were widowed it was okay, but no one divorced as that comes with too much baggage and craziness. Because yes, it's much less crazy if you lose your husband in a freak accident as opposed to something coming to it's natural ending and realizing it just didn't work out. Though admittedly in the case of my sister's ex-husband, maybe a freak accident would have been preferable. I digress.
So this guy had a lot of obvious baggage. Being married and all I was already upset then I get down to his profile. I should preface it by saying, again he had no picture, and under body type it said "undisclosed". With this said I read halfway through his profile past all the widows only please and get to this
"I want a woman who is attractive, thin, skinny or even curvy but please no fatties. This is plenty of fish, not plenty of whales"
I had to re-read what I just saw. Then once more read it again. Then look at the fact that he doesn't have a picture nor body type. Then realize he is trying to hit on me with "Hey cutie." Shake my head and read further This was more out of spite than out of curiosity. It was like looking onto a bad car wreck you really don't want to see the mangled body hanging out, but you just can't tear your eyes away. He mentions again no fatties and that he is serious.
I have not always been as thin as I am now. I have Multiple Sclerosis. For sometime back in the states I was using a cane since I couldn't use my right leg below the knee. I sat down in the shower once to shave and simply couldn't move my leg to stand back up. Now that I'm more healthy I do work out, but I understand there are cases that there is simply nothing you can do. My mother had back surgery and I saw how she was bed ridden, she didn't gain a ton of weight and was always beautiful, but I know how someone in such a case could. My sister when trying to get in the army went on a liquid diet and worked her ass off. She almost wasn't accepted. My grandma was in a wheel chair for 14 years and couldn't work out. Health is more important than weight. At my heaviest I was 195 lbs. I carried it well, very well in fact. Most people wouldn't have put me as so heavy. I like to thank my hour glass figure and my height. But not everyone has it so lucky and not everyone who is bigger is lazy. This hit a sore point for me. Like the ugly duckling I once was (who am I kidding, I still looked good at my bigger weight), it was a little too close to home. Sometimes there's nothing that can be done. People who put so much importance on looks will have severe mid-life crisis. I hate to say it people, everyone gets old, everyone gets wrinkled and oh my stars, everyone sags! There's more to a relationship than looks, which may have been lost on this guy considering he was already married. Again, I digress.
So his message was not that enticing, his profile was lacking, his picture was missing and his body type was "undisclosed" (the irony is not lost on me there), there were several clues that pointed to the fact that he was married. How could I possibly respond? Oh, I know!
"I'm sorry, you don't want a fattie, well, I don't want an asshole!"
He never responded, bless his heart....
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